ST AELRED OF RIEVAULX (1110-1167)
Aelred: We embrace very many with every affection, but yet in such a way that we do not admit them to the secrets of friendship, which consists especially in the revelation of all our confidences and plans. Whence it is that the Lord in the Gospel says: “I will not now call you servants but friends;” and then adding the reason for which they are considered worthy of the name of friend: “because all things, whatsoever I have heard of my Father, I have made known to you.” And in another place: “You are my friends, if you do the things that I command you.”
From these words, as Saint Ambrose says, “He gives the formula of friendship for us to follow: namely, that we do the will of our friend, that we disclose to our friend whatever confidences we have in our hearts, and that we be not ignorant of his confidences. Let us lay bare to him our heart and let him disclose his to us. For a friend hides nothing. If he is true, he pours forth his soul just as the Lord Jesus poured forth the mysteries of the Father.” Thus speaks Ambrose.
We love many people before whom it would be imprudent to lay bare our souls and pour out our inner hearts - people whose age or feeling or discretion is not sufficient to bear such revelations. In friendship are joined honour and charm, truth and joy, sweetness and good-will, affection and action. And all these take their beginning from Christ, they advance through Christ, and they are perfected in Christ. Therefore, it is not too great a leap from Christ as the inspiration of the love by which we love our friend, to Christ giving himself to us as our Friend for us to love. …
And thus, friends bound together in the spirit of Christ become one heart and soul with Christ; and so mounting aloft through degrees of love to friendship with Christ, they are made one spirit with him .…